The last words..

Ok ok, it sound like something said before a death execution.. but it isn't la, in this case.. Tomorrow's physics.. and I'm gonna die.. so .. in a way, it cud be true.. Anyway, its more of a confession.. to everything that I should have said, or everything that I've kept to myself all this while.. It may not be only love stuff, but everything.. including apologies and thanks, wishes and hope, everything la..

The trials are drawing near an end, and a week after that, starts IT SPM paper.. the real one this time.. I heard chandra said our marks are terrible.. and I got a feeling the next time we see her, she's gonna blow up at us for that.. ^.^ I've begun distributing copies of VB that she had passed to me, now it is with kristal.. i plan to use school library coms to burn the stuff..

The trials, the real SPM.. they're all at our door already.. time is almost up.. I'm scared.. and I'm damned scared.. In real work, u screw up, u get fired.. in exams, u screw up, u lost ur sense of living.. there ain't no future for those who screws up their exams, not in malaysia.. Even when the real thing is so near, I have no idea why I don't seem to take more importance than before in my studies.. even now, I shouldnt be blogging but studying..

Anyway, back to the main topic.. There are a lot of people I want to confess whatever that has hold me back until now.. after the real SPM, we're all split already.. thats why I'm working hard to try to revive the beta forum as a way to keep in touch.. There are so many people I have my last words to, namely, the night elf, kelli, so many people ler..

I have many things to say, but time is against me now.. gotta go study..

Logging off,
Lawy3rz

Power problems..

For the past 2-3 weeks i've been having some crappy power problems.. the entire house wud just trip, and very often as well.. and just a few hours ago, there's a power outage involving 10+ houses.. some power surge thing.. and luckily my computer was protected by a power surge protector.. or else it's fried by now..

anyway, i had extra time during today's maths exam, so i wrote up something.. it isn't much, but who cares..

A distant glare,
A faded smile
A dream we all shared,
And a purpose we all seek,

Time is drawing near,
The lasts are already here, - (i didn't mean to make them rhyme)
Your path is yours to take,
And mine is mine,
Our lives itself have split,

Memories made can be unmade,
Time will prove to be our greatest enemy,
To the bond we once had,
To the laughter we once shared, -(again, i didn't mean to make them rhyme)
Our friendship itself will fade,

There very few days left,
We are still together,
Under the shady skies,
And the wavering leaves,
The chatter and joy fills the air,

Perhaps our paths will cross again,
Perhaps our laughter can be shared again,
Only time will tell, time will tell,
To everything in our lives.

-Lawy3rz

lol.. its not that good.. but... again, who cares.. by the way, this is one of those few jumbled up words that isn't related to u-noe-who.. =p .. this is more of kinda like, friendship kinda thing.. ah, i gotta end this post short..

Logging off,
Lawy3rz

Hopes and dreams..

Sejarah today was horrible... to be honest, I didn't think it was hard, but I couldn't do it.. Cuz I remembered reading about it, but really can't recall them during the exam hall.. how I am gonna flunk sejarah.. My B.m was nearly equally as horrible.. Sometimes I envy those really smart students at the top.. Mayb they're really hardworking.. I know that I'm not, despite how hard i try to be..

I had a dream the past few nights.. of cuz they varied, but somehow I feel that they're all connected and have one meaning.. my future.. One was about how I got my first job and got promoted damn fast..sounds ridiculous.. but who cares.. my dreams.. =p another was being the top student in college/uni for a rather.. unique reason.. sadly, i'll probably be at the bottom any way.. These are the two I can actually remember clearly.. the rest not so clear already..

So both means my future.. My future? made up of hopes and dreams, all out of my reach, or just fictional.. I feel rather powerless to make them a reality.. maybe I'm just plain lazy.. maybe I just lack simple motivation.. there are a lot of maybe's around.. I've been below average all my life and for once I really long to show the entire world that I can become the best.. words words words.. no actions.. I'm really a stupid guy.. I can't think of an aspect that I've ever succeded.. Sports, academic, watever.. its all the same.. a failure in every aspect..

Not that i'm suicidal or anythin.. its a fact to be seen.. I really long for a change.. and I know that I alone have to make that change.. but more than often, I feel so.. weak and useless to do anythin right.. Hell, tomorrow's add maths and I'm calmly typing my blog here... I guess I do have to cut this post short for the time being..

Logging off,
Lawy3rz

Sorry for the crap after another.. I know its my blog and I post whatever I want to post, but the fact that there are people reading it makes me feel that I should provide some readable material.. lol.. oh who cares..

Lastly some idiot is spamming my comments part with useless nonsense.. i wont exactly call it spam, but its hell annoying..

Ruins..

Aiih... just came back early from trials today ^^.. no accounts exam mar... anyway, i seriously had this thought yesterday that I wanted to blog so much about.. whatever i may type here, and whatever u may think of it, i'm not interested to know..

And oh, before that, chiawei, sorri, for some reason I can't type any more stuff in my chatterbox.. i dunno why.. but my msn link is lawyerz88@hotmail.com.. ^^

I don't reli know how to put this.. its just that sometimes I feel strong, sometimes I feel weak, other times I don't put much thought to it.. and whether I'm strong or weak, I always long for someone I can actually chat anything and everything, as in truly honestly, and sincerely.. I think that's one of the main reasons I started a blog in the first place..

I may feel happy and joyful in school, with so many friends.. but what I actually feel is like talking to a sister.. An elder sister perhaps.. someone to share thoughts with.. i don't know la.. I feel such a spoiled person.. its not like I will die without one, its just that I feel better with someone like that..

And to think I used to be able to chat with people like that, and I had to reli go and ruin everything.. Really lar, I don't think I've spoken much to anyone outside Beta for a long time.. trapped inside like a cocoon.. I don't reli know what i'm typing.. this is one of the post I just type whatever that comes into my mind.. so forgive the crap..

I don't need someone to comfort me, I just need to be heard, whatever my problems may be, whatever my achievements may be, I realize that I did once have these people in my life, once and now gone, and the fault of that lies solely with me.. Perhaps I was a fool, no.. I was, and am one.. To take so many things for granted.. and never realize the meaning they have brought into my lives.. until they are gone..

So now they are gone, and nothing I do, say, hope or wish will bring them back.. Nothing is eternal, and nothing is forever.. Perhaps you have gone ahead, perhaps a different path, but no matter what, I just want you to know what difference you have made in my life, no matter how insignificant it may seem to you.. and that, I thank you always for them..

People come and people go in everyone's lives.. and I don't mean it in a sense that living or dying.. Our lives can never stay at a single spot all the time.. Sooner or later it will move, and new people may come into our lives, and some may go out.. But it is those that went out, that I had regret because it wasn't life that moved itself, I moved it, and those that fell out, were the ones I had loved, and cared about the most..

Logging off,
Lawy3rz


-So I may be weak now, but I'll probably never show it.. and those who read up to here, and think its either a whole load of crap and bull, or, a call for self-pity and sympathy, keep those thoughts to yourself.. Its my blog, and my crap and ramblings, and I'll blog whatever I want to blog..

Ichigo 100%

Is the best manga I've read so far, has to be ichigo 100%.. just read its ending.. and its enough to make anyone cry.. I won't put any spoilers here.. This short post is an tribute, and an mark of honour and respect to its drawer, Mizuki Kawashita!!

The entire manga was the best and heart-touching!!

-Lawy3rz

Perhaps..

Yep, in the midst of my trials, i still can find time to blog.. hahaha.. so gonna die.. ^^ When I was cleaning a bit of my study room, i found back an old notepad filled with poems I used to write.. It may not be good or nice, but the feelings were there.. brings back nostalgic memories.. Thought I'll try to write one now.. but 2nd thoughts, recently i cant write much.. so forget it..

There's nth much to blog actualli.. no, actuali there is, but its just that whenever i think of sth to blog, and by the time i get to my computer and actualli blog.. i forgot wat i wanted to blog about already.. ^^

Logging off,
Lawy3rz

Tmr is trials..

Trials start tomorrow, with IT, and to be honest I'm freaking scared.. I have never studied for IT before, but this time it's different.. its trials.. I reli don't know wat to do ler.. I can only hope I don't thrash the damn thing..

There's nothing much I can put in this post, especially when I should get back to my studying with the least delay at much as possible.. However, there's this thing about kelli.. Fine, everyone knows who sylvan is, but god I hope no one will ever know who's kelli.. The entire thing surrounding her is ridiculous, and mad.. I should mention no more..

Logging off,
Lawy3rz

Final Fantasy 7 : Advent Children... Rocks!!!

I have just watched final fantasy 7, advent children today (and the ultimate sword part 4 times), and I must say that this movie is one of the most impressive graphical animation show I have ever seen and the storyline was damn nice, as well as the fighting scenes!! Highly recommended!! rating, 9.8 out of 10!! the 0.2 is cuz some of the fighting scenes made me dizzy.. lol..

Anyway, I'm feeling worse then ever, and the ironic thing is that when I do nothing at all, I feel terrible.. but when i'm busy in class and work, I feel fine.. Perhaps my late night studyin is catchin up with me.. or my lack of sleep.. (its definately not lack of rest/entertainment =D )

Right now, it's 11.30, and my dad's behind me.. I reli tot I saw 10.30.. Gotta go now.. Sadly.. I'll add on this post later.. regarding.. kelli..

Logging off,
Lawy3rz

temporary beta movie post

http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/lawyerz88/album?.dir=/7343

http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/lawyerz88/al...erz88/my_photos

http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/lawyerz88/al...erz88/my_photos

for alfred's use.. dun ask me why the address is so funni..

Friendships..

Just had a (another) party at my house, this time with my mom's friends instead of family.. It was rather fun, gettin to chat with ppl we haven't met in some time.. but I reli felt myself when I laughed and chatted with some of my friends I haven't met in some time.. Its like, honestly, like I have not had that feeling for as long I can remember it.. So simply, and joyful, carefree.. ahh.. why cant life be like that.. of cuz, in contrast and reality, trials are next week, SPM is a month away.. how .. wonderful..

Oo.. I duno what much to type about this post, just thought I want to put that sensitive issue behind before someone plans an assination on me.. lol.. Right now its 2.10 in the morning, and my dad will be fuming if he sees my awake.. I just wanted to type this much before I go to bed, tmr I'll add pics and a bit more description of da party..

Added pics~!

Yep, this messy small corner is my bedroom.. Those girls R like sisters to me.. =)

My mom and her friends

Oh, did I mention it was a lantern festival party??



Another friend of mine.. ( I wanted to put a pic of her sleepin though.. )

In my study room watchin anime??!

Logging off, for now,
Lawy3rz

A sensitive issue..

: : Warning: Sensitive topic : :

Really, I do read people's blog (e.g. - akmal's, since he's one of the few who updates his blog unlike some who start for a few days and stop there) from time to time, and actually many of them are very interesting, infromative and quite thought provoking, in constrast with the rubbish and nonsense I usually type here.. And everything I usually type is all about myself, myself and myself..

But honestly, I don't know anything but myself, and things that revolve around me.. What can I possible know, and blog about things that I am not involve in? Akmal's recent post itself has somehow made me thinking, though its about the so call sensitive racial issues in Malaysia.. I used to be laughed at, and ridiculated at, that I had no sense of racism when it comes to liking someone. Though I will not elaborate on this, only few would know what I meant.

This world, and this country, are said to have racial tolerence. While this might be true amongst the young people these days, it is certainly not very true among the elders. Perhaps they have gone through war and hell because of race, religion and colour. Perhaps they deemed themselves to be wiser than us young people today. Perhaps they themselves think their own race is better than the others. I have heard most probably all, when spoken about a certain race, they will go and rant about how the entire race is that and this, while never speaking bad about their own. Such labelling of races shud never happen. People must realize that whatever these elders speak worse of other people, such critism shud never be listened to..

I reli don't know what I'm ranting about.. Its just that that post by Akmal made me thinking, and what he says is true.. The racial, religion, and skin colour issue is rampant, even in a country like ours, behind fake smiles and emotions.. I can say, only the younger ones don't have these racism feelings. But the elders will come, and tell us how naive we are, trusting the races which are not our own, believing in those who they said had brought us down.. The bottom line is that, Elders should keep their racial rubbish to themselves, and the young ones must learn to live and work together, regardless of race, religion and colour. Call me naive, call me stupid, call me young and foolish, what is the past is the past, and nothing matters more than the future..

Enough about that, I just felt I had to get it off my mind, not only because of Akmal's post, but also my own side that happened today.. I had originally wanted to post another post, but now that i've typed all the way till here, I guess I won't be doing the other post dah, at least not now..

Logging off,
Lawy3rz
-A heart who suffers in silence-

Its a wednesday..

Its another wednesday, the middle day of the week.. Had some librarian meeting today, in preparation for the open day thing.. Did nothing much but arrange the stuff, clear the coms, stuff like that.. Anyway, putting that aside.. Honestly, something seems to be bothering me earlier..

All librarians are supposed to go to school on open day to help out on sat.. But I really can't go.. Not only my mom wants to have a gathering, my mom won't let me go also ar, she says my exams are so near and u wan to waste time..

Its like, .. oh fine, nvm.. its damn stupid.. if I ever post it out, it'll be the stupidest thing I have ever thought of.. Nvm nvm..

So, now, here I am in the study room.. (my com's in the study room).. Later I'll be doing revisions.. cuz I was playing game just now.. god, I muz reli stop.. tell myself.. s.t.o.p. all forms of games for the time being.. I must study later in the room at night.. Somehow, I got this weird thing.. If i sleep late, and get less hours of sleep, I would wake up more refreshed and awake.. If i sleep early, I wake up VERY VERY sleepy.. so sleepy that I slept sitting upright in class and tuition while writing notes.. sheesh..

In any case, I will from today, improve the standard of all the quality of the work I'm passing up.. lol.. a scolding, not at me, but at some other people by a teacher today had really waken me up from my comfortable slumber.. and now, everytime I want to slack in my work, I can think of that scolding the teacher gave, and I will give my best in them.. well from now onwards-lah.. ^_^

The last matter of Kelli.. I never thought her name will rise again in my blog.. and I still think it shouldn't.. I really should watch my steps.. been a bit careless, and thats why I ended up like this now.. muz watch my steps..

Last but not least, I think that our dead Betarians forum is actually a reli good way to communicate after SPM.. except that its so dead now.. I erased out the main forum chat areas and started new topics, mostly recently related.. I also opened it to the public to view but not post or reply anything.. Registration is now also e-mail based.. I just hope that this isn't abused.. Check it out ar, at http://s7.invisionfree.com/4_betarians

Logging Off,
Lawy3rz

Sigh.

I can tell that I'm somehow being treated worse than ever, and I'm serious.. Tempers seems to be lost very often these days, and mostly at me only.. Oh well, I know whatever I do, I'll always be the one at fault.. So goddam sienz of arguing.. wth la.. dun care anymore.. let them have watever opinion they want of me, and however they treat me, I won't be bothered..

Anyway, back to school on monday today.. sigh sigh.. There's practically nothing except for the 4 ppl's birthday today, or rather yesterday and the day before, Izham, Mellisa, Kelvin and Eugene.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! Eugene kena.. erm.. egged, floured, and stuff like.. and to hell with azeri who seemed to have a problem with that..

Another matter wud be actualli Kelli..I'm so damned..anyway, i'm feeling very sleep.. gotta take a short nap..

logging off,
lawy3rz

Life's taken a twist for the worse..

Aih, what is coming to this world, life's seemed miserable, nothing but black stormy weather... at least till SPM's over.. =D anyway, I have to admit that I didn't do much studyin this weekend, and I swear I'll make it up during the whole of next week.. break and lunch muz study, come back home muz study.. MUZ MUZ MUZ!!!!

Nothing much that happened except my dad finally bought his SLR digital camera!! ^_^ Olympus E-300! cost 4k~! so nice~!!! the features, the speed of the camera, the firmness of it, it IS great!! hehehe.. okay ar, to be honest, when I actualli pass my studying stage, I'd look for a steady IT/physics/astronomy-related job, and my side hobbies will be photography and writing.. actualli, my hobbies are photography and writing now.. but never reli had time to do those.. so, I'll work 5 days a week, and spent my saturdays doing photography and writing~! B. ^_^ B.t.w, sori no pics.. too lazy to open the wrapped up box of the camera.. the camera is wrapped up so tight it is very troublesome to take in and out.. a box in a box in a box, in a sealed plastic bag.. sheesh..

Anyway, I am actualli past my sleeping time and after sleeping damn late last night, I better get to bed.. kinda tired..

Logging off,
Lawy3rz

My lovely Muvo TX FM~

lalala.. finally and FINALLY.. got my Muvo~ quite nice ar!! after so damn long.. anyway, here are some pics.. =D firstly, I would like to apologize for the poor quality.. took it with my webcam..

Woo hoO~! Shoot.. I think i shud get back to work now.. been playin too long around dah..

Logging off,Lawy3rz

hungry hungry..

Nothing much to blog now ler.. I'm in IT lab, with nothing much to do.. Finished all my work dah.. anyway, I'm DAMN hungry!!!!!!!!!! dammit.. I'm hungry and there's nasi lemak afterwards.. HECK THATS THE BELL!! AHH!!..

Gtg!!