Life

When I was 19, I had this whole idea of how my then brand new university life would turn out. Oh how I imagined and dream of a fulfilling and fun yet purposeful uni life, without a doubt got some of the ideas from the popular stereotypes of university students.

And as I graduate 3 years later, I looked back and smile, to some extent with happiness, and to some extent a smile with sadness in my eyes. I had a great time during my first years, going to classes, going out to eat and catch a movie, simple, yet things I appreciate. Second year was my first time abroad, it was also amazing and fun, I had friends to hang out with, it was simply an enjoyable year.

But then the results came out for the 2nd year, and it was terrible. My third year came, and things.. well.. wasn't the same any more.. The spirit of Melbourne, as I like to call it, the spirit of friendship started to fade quickly.. No longer was anyone interested to get together and just chill, shadows of friends who had left seemed to be at every corner, outings that once had 20 people started to become 15.. then 10.. then 5.. and eventually.. none at all.

As I stood in line to receive my graduate cert, I gave my three years a thought, of what I have done, what I could have done, and what I should have done. And as I got on the stage, I started to think how I wanted my post-graduate life to be, and how I will work to achieve that.

It wasn't much that I asked for, graduate, get a job in a field I want to work in, earn AUD and spend in RM, get my own house, live with my friends that I can crash into their room and chat at anytime, have friends come over fridays and saturday nights for games, drinks, and just chat. And we'd all sit around the tv watching a late night movie, have midnight snacks. Of course we'd all work the weekdays, but in the evening we'd catch a dinner and then beer at a bar or coffee at starbucks. On days with clear blue skies and nice breeze, we could get some coffee and chill by the beach, or have a bbq, or picnic out at the botanical garden..

Was I really so greedy? I wanted it all I made bad decisions that have wasted thousands of dollars down the drain.

And here I am, almost one year after that moment on the stage. And I have nothing. No job, no friends as my fun housemates, no midnight movies, or spontaneous coffees, no bqq, never had a picnic, I have nothing. I watch silently at the blue skies outside my window and feel the cool breeze from my room. Was it so hard to get a group of close friends to spend some time with? You know, like Friends and HIMYM.. Instead of becoming closer and hanging out more often, what's left of us became further apart..

Then there's the sense of failure. Coat it however you want, I dont shy away from the cold truth, I failed to get a job here, and that itself is a failure. I accept that. I accept that with a very heavy heart.

This is my limit, and this is my decision to leave a very loved city. My goals havent change, and my resolve to achieve that has not faltered. But disappointment, sadness, bitterness, its all in the air, and even Melbourne's infamous hail storms and gale winds cannot blow it away.