I'm absolutely fed up of IT.. SAM IT.. Never-ending crap.. tedious is the word.. Heck I finally know one thing i'm not doing in the future.. Perhaps it has something to do with my procrastinating attitude.. oh well..
I've always been like that.. Everytime when something goes wrong.. I crawl back into my shell and hide in the past. I tell myself that I'm living in the present and look to the future but really, all I do is linger over the past and keep wondering how great if it could last forever. Yet even my past isn't perfect, its just a better image than that of now.. Perhaps its just an fiction of an imagination of mine, perhaps..
A confession of mine, I absolutely can't watch any photos of any memories without me getting into that glum/gloomy/dull/dead mood.. A impossible longing to grab back hold of those times and relive it again. Dumb and stupid, I know, but its a part of me that doesn't seem to change no matter what I do.. Is it a bad thing? I duno..
The fact that I'm living in the past points out to the fact that I'm just watching life pass me.. I just don't seem to have control over my life anymore.. Its me against a bullet train called my lffe. Standing across the fields watching the trains zoom by.. Thats how I feel.. Complicated and simply impossible to understand. Myself included. Seconds come to minutes. Minutes come to hours. Hours come to days. Days to weeks. Weeks to months. Months to years. and 18 of those years have gone by.
I hate ppl who compare two other ppl and judge them by that. The problem with that is that I do that on my own. I tend to compare myself with so many other people.. And the difference between me and the person I compare with is often great.. I seem uncomplished, below average, plan and boring student in college that is riddled with nothing but work. And I hate that.. I.. want a change. I don't want to be just anyone that no one remembers or knows.. This is my strongest oath yet, and I will bring it to life.. An oath may just be what it takes to stop the damned runaway bullet train.
I've come to realize that some matters will never be resolved - and accept it, finally..
Logging off,
Lawy3rz
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
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1 comments:
Sometimes we've gotta accept that there are people who change so much that the old one will never return. So just move on =) . And don't always compare yourself to others. Everyone has their own unique talents...
Anyways, good luck coping with SAM ya!
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