A weakening grasp..

Its happening again.. it always happens at the end of every year for as long i can remember..

there are two types of blogs.. one where you either don't care what people think, or another where you watch your steps and words carefully.. this blog started as the first and became the latter..

its just different when people know about your blog, and when they read it, they will just see you in a different light.. all your rants, your complains and whines you normally don't say spilled in a blog draws so much fire, flame and critism from every angle.. what i question is that don't they know that this is one's own blog for thoughts and thinking? i guess its either our society is just like that or that is always the way it has been..

The other type of blog is where you really watch yourself.. words are powerful and keeping them watched closely.. while it just seems safer, it doesn't reflect anything.. it doesn't the real thoughts or truth anymore.. why is it that we are always forced to show our strengths in public.. and keep our weaknesses in the dark.. why is it that we always have to show that we're always doing fine, that the days are always bring and sunny wherelse inside its just rotten and destroyed..

i started a blog originally to become a place where I could hide everything I couldn't show.. I had this naive feeling, I wanted my thoughts to be known, but I never expected the backlash that came with it.. Several times I wished I hadn't started one in the first place..

I've seen my fair share of blogs coming and going.. those who start on the spur of the moment, either eventually abandon the blog out of boredom, and some who are pressured against keeping a blog.. Flaming comments and curses plagues us..

This blog has started on naively on a idealogy that never existed and became the other.. There are so many things that add weights to the mind and heart, and over time they just build up.. How we deal with it differs from one from another..

That was barely the introduction, but the real content will probably never be known.. Again said, thats the power of fear.. whatever that is happening every end of the year, is not this, but something else..

Logging off,
Lawy3rz