The last of everything..

The last of everything as we know it in life is the beginning of everything else that we don't.. Everyone's been saying about last that last this.. which is true.. Our last school exams, our last school holidays, our last year in school, our last that our last this.. Most of them are school related.. since it is our last year anyway..

This is d post i've been wanting to post for so long.. but never reli found time for it until now.. The last post of the nightelf..

And I admit, there are times, especially recently, when things have overwhelmed me.. it doesn't happen often, but it does happen.. So much memories, cherishable ones from the past.. and to think that those memories will never be able to be shared and re-lived once more after this year.. to think that it will forever remain crumbs of the past..

I guess this is the last post, and I should try to be more frank and direct.. Many things have happened since we first met, and many of them took a turn I never had expected.. I still remember when my first thoughts to myself were to be very cautious of u when i first met u.. Cautious I was and yet..

At this point of posting, I still can't bring myself to be totally honest.. I'm still afraid of mentioning too much.. The times with you around had been the greatest joy of my life.. Many don't know my past, but in form 2 I had a rather rough time for a short time.. dun jump to conclusions.. and to be honest, in form 3 I changed my ways.. At the beginning of the year, I meant to silent.. I sat in the back corner, and never had intentions to socialised one bit..

But then I was the bunch of 3 Alphas 2003 who had been great friends, and I mean everyone.. And Sylvan..In the beginning she was the last person I ever want to have feelings for.. She was one of the top student in class, bright, pretty, sarcastic, fun.. and heck, where was I? Placing 1st from the back, I lacked basic social skills, what more to harbour these feelings..

I ignored, I fought, I convinced myself that I will never harbour them.. When the end of the year came, I couldn't deny them anymore.. And when form 4 came, I knew that would be the end, no longer being classmates meant that keeping in touch wud be difficult.. In fact, I still have a card with me.. It is a Christmas card, and I wrote my best wishes to her.. But it was the only Christmas card I never sent out..

Form 4 came and pass, and as expected, I don't know if we were friends or just someone-who-looks-familiar that greet each other with a single word everytime we met kind of thing.. But nearing the end of 2004, something else happened.. I guess this'll be a little too much to write about in a public blog.. I'll keep it as general as possible.. What was that about? Until this very day, I don't know.. Was she feeling sympathetic? Was she just trying to cheer me up? (not that I was gloomy at that time also).. Whatever the reason was.. I didn't expect it.. but a thousand questions went through my thoughts.. Should I keep silent? Should I say something? Will I ever have this moment again? I treasured every second in that hour.. Maybe it was a dream, something my mind just made-up, I don't know..Don't jump to any stupid conclusions.. Let it be.. a sleeping memory..

The only other thing in form 4 would be Japan Nukata.. I kinda wished that i'd spend more time with friends there, thats all.. Despite that, it was still the most memorable holiday I've ever been on.. and to think that would be the last school trip I'll ever go.. Brings memoirs back to the heart..

Form 5 came then.. it seemed worse than form 4.. and it was worse.. well until recently ler.. Many things have happened between us.. but I hope that no matter what happens, we'd be able to stay friends at least.. Almost every post of mine had her inside.. I wrote of it as of how I felt at that time.. honestly and true to my feelings and my thoughts.. But this will be the last post.. Just simply because so damn many ppl know who sylvan is, I can't write out everything I want to write.. This post will end here.. Even if I'm forgotten now or later, let it be known now that I will never forget you, ever.. for you have brought about the biggest change in my life, without knowing it myself, and the greatest joys I had in my schooling years.. For those still reading up to here, go ahead, laugh, sneer, cough, joke, insult, watever.. I wrote my thoughts and feeling out, and I couldn't give a damn about any bad comments u might have..

Logging off,
Lawy3rz
-The last of everything in life as we know it is just the beginning of everything else we don't..-