The world changes..

U'd think, that turning 18 this year is just another year in life, just another year with the same ol' stuff u've been doing for the past 17 years.. but, so far, my 3 months into this year, has made my comfortable world change.. There are good, and there are bad, but the bad outweighs the good.. One of the good is that, yep, i can start driving! Another good is that there aren't any more uniforms and plenty of freedom in college.. Yep, two goods in two lines.. Now lets start with the bad..

Obviously, SPM is over, and of all the courses, I took SAM.. as SAM is famous for, non-stop assignments.. Every bloody subjects has one, and all dued on the stupid same day.. And I'll be frank, for someone like me who does things pretty much the last minute kind of thing, this isnt a good thing.. its pretty bad..

Besides assignments, people, and namely parents have begin to have higher expectations of you.. higher? sorry, thats an understatement, MUCH MUCH higher... while that isnt a bad thing, they begin to put pressure on you.. and over time, that CAN amount to quite a significant amount.. And it just gets soooo much worse you didnt get 'straight As' in SPM, when certain people lose confidence in you that you can even pass.. It makes you lose confidence in yourself..

Then there's the other stuff.. Stay in the room and study all day? I don't think you'll come out of mere college still sane.. Clubs! Activities! Language Classes! Piano Classes! A bit of social activities! and guess wat? someone wants to add tuition to the list, as mentioned before, those who has lost confidence in me that I can study on my own, and that I can cope.. Whenever u say u can, they sneer, they turn their heads in disbelief.. it gets to me.. it does.. quietly..

No matter what my parents, or anyone else try to comfort me that I didnt acheive wat i expected to get, the fact is this. As a student.. your academic results matters... As a student, your number of A's matters.. I don't know about the working world yet, but I'm not in it yet.. For slow ppl like me, taking one step at a time is all I can do.. Yes, I can look ahead, but look only, not going there..

I might be disappointed with my results, but its not like I failed anything.. I got 3A1s, 3A2s, 3B3s, and 2Cs.. and i AM going to remark two papers, Information Technology and Moral.. and this is for the money's sake.. I pay RM100 to remark, and if I get them to be 2As, I get roughly RM3000 from various sources.. so, its worth the try..

Being 18, and a student.. is no longer you.. You wanna survive? You cant be yourself.. You need to be what people want you to be and behave like.. I'm growing a dual personality, even from the SPM days.. Whats inside and whats seen outside.. are two different people.. You'd think you know me, but you actually don't.. no one does.. not even my parents.. Its all about what people want and expect of you, and which you urself must meet, no one else.. the only thing that remains yours, is your ambition..

Logging off,
Lawy3rz