10 "facts" of life during exams..

1. Monash has more noctournals than experts had previously thought. These creatures, found wandering the halls of 24-hour buildings and computer labs, always appear to be eating or in close proximity with food of all sorts. These creatures are particularly keen on a special liquid called Mother.

2. Time, gravity, relative quantum physics do not apply when exams period is here. Time speeds up the fastest one week before the exam. This phenomenon, known as "Hell's Time" is baffling experts.

3. Every creatures mention in #1 has probably broken the Guinness World Record for the longest hours stayed awake, longest continuous study, highest blood pressure recorded, highest stress level recorded, highest stress rate recorded, highest depression rate recorded, highest percentage of suicidal rate, and highest amount of caffeine consumption, making them world champions by superhuman standards, beating even the champions "Ironman" competition.

4. Coffee is drank as a psychological factor. Caffeine doesnt really have any effect. The "cool" factor in holding a coffee cup while sipping slowly and angering Monash guards who point towards the huge, huge, NO FOOD NO DRINKS sign, which can be read from an aeroplane, in lost hope are the source of students superpowers as mentioned in #3.

5. It is possible to live on campus for several days at a go. Bring toiletries. The duration spent on campus during the last week of uni just before the exams has been mathematically proven to be significantly greater than total amount time spent on campus for the entire semester using the following formulae: T = MC2

6. Vending machines and seven eleven can raise their prices 10 fold and still find that June and October are the most profitable times in a year. The vending machine need to be bashed tilted shaked rocked kicked punched moved tortured in the event you paid $2.50 for a packet of M&Ms and it doesnt fall down, hanging on the the very edge of the rack.

7. You see the same people sitting in the same positions in the same computer labs/rooms if you come often enough. You can even make friends with the security who will help you get a room when you really need one while others squat in every dark corner of a very big creepy building (building H).

8. Laughing maniacs zombies roam the hallways and study group rooms at the wee hours of the night. These creatures are believed to have lost all sense of logical thinking and can be heard 3 floors up and 3 floors down, fuelling worries that such disease is contagious.

9. Blogs owned by students will suddenly see a big spike in update frequency. such as this one.

10. The entire continent of Australia moves physically south towards the south pole and makes south pole its neighbour as exam times near. At the same time, typhoons from Japan also migrate to Australia to make its way to Monash Melb U RMIT Deakin. The combination of these 2 effects is called as the "exam-mood affected weather", freezing anyone who tries to go home after dark. Extensive research is being conducted to determine if students mood is affecting the weather.

Logging off,
Lawy3rz