why?

Yes sorry emo post..

Why is it life always seem so out of control? it feels like I sometimes know and don't know what is going on at the same time with my life, or what I want out of it.. I know I need to get a grip on things, to probably know all my studies at the top of my head, to know everything thats happening in melbourne, to start looking for jobs and opportunities. I talk alot, yes, but when it comes to actually putting the shoulder to the shovel, I somewhat lack..

I guess in short I need to talk less and do more.. a former EY senior manager I so happened to bump at the train station said, sometimes you dont even have your life figured out when you reach 40.. I want to figure everything it right now right here.. Sometimes, too many roads is not a good thing.. There was once a time where the son simply takes over the father's profession. Now, the choices faced today requires sacrifices.. Sacrifices I am not sure I am willing to take anymore..

Perhaps I am too obsessed with making the 'right' decision, but it is a decision that cannot be reversed, a decision that cannot be changed in time. Perhaps there is no 'right' decision, as both decisions requires sacrifices. Sometimes I am determined, other times I am not..

What exactly do I want out of my life? I guess I want to have a grip on it.. to feel like I am actually in bloody control of my own life..

And as I close my eyes and take in a deep breath,
I sighed, 
and wished I had a stronger determination..

Logging off,
Lawy3rz