Monday, May 16, 2005

I understand now.. a silent smile..

Disclaimer notice-
Warning: this post contains nothing more than crap. Please leave if you cannot stand crap.

I understand now.. I understand everything.. Not add maths work, but rather the feelings I've been having recently.. Despite exams, I just finished the 13-series long Boys Be for the 2nd time.. I don't know what had hit me again, hell I just keep going through drastic changes of emotions.. A minute I'm feeling one thing, another, I feel weird..

Anyway, I have to stop lying to myself.. Everything I've done till now.. I denied what I knew was true.. Before you read any further, I wanna clear that this is not some new love nonsense.. Its just me, and my feelings.. Been feeling like this since March.. and recently it got out of hand and actually bothered me..

I need to take some time, to really understand and see everything.. Feelings.. I usually like to take the time before I sleep to think bout all these stuff.. and usually end up sleeping hours later than I was supposed to.. I don't have anyone to confide in.. well, I am someone who doesn't like to bother other people about my problems.. Its not thiers, not their feelings.. All mine, and my problems.. I keep it alone, and end up fighting it alone..

I don't blame anyone, thats how I choose myself to be.. Life itself is meant to be lived the way you choose it.. Probably many of you who know me now don't know how I was before I am now.. Laugh, maybe, but I was quiet.. I chose to be alone.. I was stronger then, relying on no-one, and didn't mix with others.. Feelings like this never bothered me.. Mayb I've just gotten plain weak..

Self-pity? ha.. Those of you who think this post is for self-pity, I dun know you know me at all.. I don't do anythin for self-pity.. I loath it.. Mayb I cant stand tall on my own anymore at the moment, mayb I've gotten weak, mayb that mayb this, but never, never for anyone to take pity on me.. thats utter nonsense..

Right now, I'm still not crystal clear on everything.. I'll post.. another day about this.. gotta sleep today..

-Lawy3rz
Posted by Lawy3rz at 10:13 pm


1 comments:

i dont know you... just wanted to say something... Where did you get the boys be anime( as in torrent or d/l) as i was finding for it and i hit into your site. I understand how you feel. After watching it for upteen times, i still feel that emotional rush. But can you tell me where to d/l or bt boys be? I used to have it but got formatted away years ago... thx

lf2_fanclub@hotmail.com (sry for the lame email... got it 7 years ago...)
 
Anonymous
July 02, 2005 9:16 pm

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