A smile from the heart..

Eish.. seems like my MMS emailing didn't work.. I typed out a post and tried sending to my blog thru email but guess it didn't work.. aikz.. anyway, besides being filled with damn a lot of homework, im also feeling terrible ( again).. cuz I'm tired, I wanna rest, i wanna sleep, but can't.. got work there, got work here.. even if there's no work, I gotta study.. SPM is coming.. god.. I hope i finish SPM still mentally sane..

SPM timetable came today.. damn terrible layout of time.. cram everythin in one week.. and another way to remind us unfortunately that SPM is so god damn close.. reli ahh.. what do people get torturing students like this.. geram geram betul..

Ever wonder why sometimes you're in love with a certain person.. mayb you never found a reason, yet you love ssomeone so much.. Love is unconditional, and if there are reasons for them, the feelings aren't real.. But, there are some things that sometimes strike you in awe.. and can't help but smiling silently.. One of these things are simply a smile.. When everything around you seem crashing.. that smile can really lift the sky back to where it belongs..

This smile, is rare and precious.. even from someone who didn't accept you.. as long as you know how to treasure this, and not take it for granted, it is beyond value.. simply a smile from the heart..

On the other hand.. do you love someone when you want to be with them? but why does it happen when I know that it will never happen and besides, in some way I myself don't want it to happen.. Dun understand? thats all right.. I don't either.. ^_^.. Its just.. just when you think you love someone, but then you know that someone will always be beyond reach, that someone will never accept you, that someone is a stranger to you, and you know nothing about that someone, why do you love.. her?

A refreshed love.. but a dying hope and faith.. Ruby's birthday is coming soon.. I haven't gotten anything.. and.. when I lean back, close my eyes and breath in deeply, I think of her.. no longer of her being with me, no longer a tiny hope that I could hold her hand, but rather her, alone, smiling, laughing, with her friends, classmates, with so many people, having fun.. But among them is not me, as a friend or otherwise, not anymore..

So, I have most likely decided not to interupt that.. I watch as our lives pass by, seperately, for now, forever, in school, in college, in life.. I don't think that I should appear again, in her eyes..
But~! I'll still get her a present though.. hehe.. damn, gtg!!

logging off,
lawy3rz