Lost in time..

I'm absolutely fed up of IT.. SAM IT.. Never-ending crap.. tedious is the word.. Heck I finally know one thing i'm not doing in the future.. Perhaps it has something to do with my procrastinating attitude.. oh well..

I've always been like that.. Everytime when something goes wrong.. I crawl back into my shell and hide in the past. I tell myself that I'm living in the present and look to the future but really, all I do is linger over the past and keep wondering how great if it could last forever. Yet even my past isn't perfect, its just a better image than that of now.. Perhaps its just an fiction of an imagination of mine, perhaps..

A confession of mine, I absolutely can't watch any photos of any memories without me getting into that glum/gloomy/dull/dead mood.. A impossible longing to grab back hold of those times and relive it again. Dumb and stupid, I know, but its a part of me that doesn't seem to change no matter what I do.. Is it a bad thing? I duno..

The fact that I'm living in the past points out to the fact that I'm just watching life pass me.. I just don't seem to have control over my life anymore.. Its me against a bullet train called my lffe. Standing across the fields watching the trains zoom by.. Thats how I feel.. Complicated and simply impossible to understand. Myself included. Seconds come to minutes. Minutes come to hours. Hours come to days. Days to weeks. Weeks to months. Months to years. and 18 of those years have gone by.

I hate ppl who compare two other ppl and judge them by that. The problem with that is that I do that on my own. I tend to compare myself with so many other people.. And the difference between me and the person I compare with is often great.. I seem uncomplished, below average, plan and boring student in college that is riddled with nothing but work. And I hate that.. I.. want a change. I don't want to be just anyone that no one remembers or knows.. This is my strongest oath yet, and I will bring it to life.. An oath may just be what it takes to stop the damned runaway bullet train.

I've come to realize that some matters will never be resolved - and accept it, finally..

Logging off,
Lawy3rz

Argh..

I give up.. simple give up.. all this crap.. I don't think I'll be sleeping tonite..Sigh.. I really really really wish time would speed up and let this entire week pass in a blink.. I don't care anymore, its so frustrating and sien..

Feel like banging my head against the wall.. Arghhh...

Logging off,
Lawy3rz

Fate Stay Night

Updates to the blog: Music has been removed, as I myself find it annoying sometimes :D

Fate Stay Night anime has just finished, and with a nice ending.. This post is a tribute to that anime, and I really seldom do this unless its a reli nice anime.. Great anime.. gambatte!



Perhaps the memory of her will fade over time,
Perhaps her actions will be forgotten,
But I know one thing for sure,
I will never forget that I had love her with all I had..

Logging off,
Lawy3rz

A dedicated post..

Some call me an idiot, others call me a hopeless lovesick puppy, but in the end, what really matters is not what others think of me but what I think of myself.. Some sigh at my posts, some are disgusted, others swear at them.. what are my mind thinking?

I think, despite numerous times I've repeated this, perhaps this will be final.. at last, that, I have overused your hospitality and welcome.. Its like I've insulted you and then stay in your house and eat your food.. Your smile says nothing, what goes beyond that is unknown to me.. But then again, what is known to me? barely anything..

Like a restless soul who still lingers until their final wish is granted, I am neither here nor there.. neither in the air nor on the ground, neither at peace nor at war.. A final wish, my last wish of you.. will probably go ungranted for the rest of time..
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Ya, I apologize to everyone who is readin this.. this is one of those post where my mind is just really kinda bothered.. The two weeks I'm going thru now is worse than hell.. ESL = tutorial persentation.. first group, first class to present.. crap.. then IT documentation, on wednesday.. status: sleepness nights coming ahead.. piano exam: thursday.. status? hell... plain hell..

Logging off,
Lawy3rz

Hage

Lol.. I apologize for my slow posting and hopeless rate of reply, but life is hell now, and will continue to be hell for the next 5 months.. bear with me, and I hope you guys won't let my blog die like it did to the former Betarians forum..

I was reading manga until I came across this.. really somehow striked me and I couldn't stop laughing.. hahahaha... U guys shud see it yourself.. who does it remind u of?

Anyway, I'll be honest and frank also, I quite much lost a lot of motivation to blog for some time.. I can roughly know why also..

Ah, my monitor is spoiled.. dam.. I feel so pissed at it right now.. I got English tutorial to do, and bloody stupid IT crap to do, and it has to spoil now.. gotta get a new one, and fast too.. my eyes hurts.. it not totally spoil, it goes blank and filled with lines every 5 minutes and it takes a bang to fix it..

You know, its only been 3 years.. yet somehow it feels like a much longer time.. Every corner I make, hoping to see your face or hear your voice. Everytime it seem to be you, but it never was, the disappointment somehow is unlike any other.. There is nothing much to say, there is nothing much to know, and it is only me suffering silently in the shadows..

Logging off,
Lawy3rz

i post more pics..

Logging off,
Lawy3rz

A looong time..

Ya, I know, I know.. this blog hasnt been updated in a long time.. but, I wasnt around for the past few days.. went to the beach.. lol! nice.. so relaxin and peaceful.. seriously not in line with SAM..

Anyway, im uploading pics of the hols.. not too many, just a few..


Lemme end this post prematurely first... better than no post.. later i'll add more pics.. *promises*

Logging off,
Lawy3rz