Tomorrow becomes yesterday and will becomes couldn't

yeaa... I know I said I'd ask her on wed.. unfortunately, I didn't.. and couldn't also, I guess.. I have tuition at her place every wed.. usually after the tuition I'd had a few words with her.. I just can't blurt it out.. Its like I open my mouth and nothing comes out.. Then I realize that I couldn't ask then.. I can't risk losing her, as a friend, sister or otherwise.. I've asked once, and I cannot bear to risk asking the 2nd time..

Jian .. I mean shoulder man =) .. suggested that I call her.. I'm the kinda person who rather tell her in person, so I ain't calling.. and by the way.. I use the name Sylvan for a reason!! Why do everyone seem to know who I'm referring to? Yea, Sylvan is a nickname, but I didn't think that many ppl wud know.. Sheesh..


Today's thursday.. I'm gonna T.R.Y again tomorrow.. Friday after school.. She usually don't stay back, but she do wait for her mom.. I can't guarantee anything, but I wanna give it a go.. She knows.. and now I want to know bout her.. I hope for the best tomorrow..
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ATTENTION: I am having some problems with my own tagboard.. I can't post in it from my home while everyone else seems to have no problem. note that I cannot post in there for the time being until i got the stupid problem sorted out..

Thanks to all who wished me luck in the tagboard!!! thanks!!!!

Deep in thoughts, silent in heart..

Another monday.. lets see what happened today, Chew mengamuk and make everyone go sit stand sit stand.. and Lim wanna make me buy stupid school socks, i argued with her and went to chew to complain.. Must have spent nearly 1 and a half hours in chew's office chattin with him.. bout lotza stuff... =p that's confidential..

Another day in school, had a great time during sejarah quiz today; Ms Kamala reli knows how to spice up a boring history lesson.. and BiO nearly fall asleep in the boring empty G-2 class where students who drop subjects are supposed to go there.. Chew said we can't go library cuz there are other classes students who cause a havoc there and many ponteng.. sigh..

The past few days I've been seriously messed up.. deep in my own thoughts... I duno anything, anymore.. Sylvan stayed back today.. we didn't say a single word to each other for the past 3 weeks.. I'm starting to feel like some invisible guy, somehow totally left out.. I really shouldn't be expecting anythin, but.. is it reli wrong just to ask a few words.. I know she knows.. I just want her to tell me, make it clear and get it done with and not leave me hanging in the air like this.. I want to know the fate that awaits, be it harsh or otherwise. I want to know..

It just should stop, right here, right now..

I'm not sure what I'm feeling anymore these days.. Its just so, uncertain. When I think of it, Sylvan has her own life to go on, and I'm definately not part of it anymore, as a friend, classmate or otherwise. If you haven't met someone in weeks or months, it just simply show that it doesn't matter whether ur there or not; ur presence will simply not make a difference.. *sigh*

Every night I think about this, how I still love you over the years, how I probably will never be accepted, how you have your own life.. Not that I have anythin against it, u should have your own life.. its just that I want to be part of it sometimes.. Anyway.. Just feeling left out sometimes, in silence.. I'm not expecting anything actually.. I just.. want to know.. thats all.. sylvan..

Basically, it should stop... I should stop..

Signed,
Lawy3rz

Days past...

Its the 18th of Feb already.. days are passing very much like the wind.. The routine remains the same, go school, do hw, sleep.. For the past 2 days, Jian, Bryan and the others from Delta went for sea forensics.. That means no Shanta for the past 2 days also!!

Other than that, my mom said I got darker.. asked what I've been doing.. let's see.. Basketball, Marchpast.. and volleyball club.. ah.. talking bout march past.. I want to post my apology to kiwi and kok keong for not turning up at their friday practice today!! Sorri sorri sorri!! Hope prav doesn't slaughter me.. I did say i'd stay back for a while.. Anyway, I'll be going for marchpast anytime but after school.. I go for sports practice and cocuriculum time werr.. so sorrY yar..

In school, Miss Kamala.. i mean alamak! =) *spell her name backwards and see* gave some SPM registration form.. when u think bout it.. SPM is comin, one way or another.. it really scares the hell outta u when u think of it.. she also gave some stupid OM Lingua tuition centre which we crumpled and throw at each other in class.. =)

What bout sylvan.. I haven't seen her in days.. Other than waving at her on my way back to school today.. and she was like.. 100 meter away.. so it doesn't reli matter.. What does matter is that she knows.. and somehow doesn't say anythin at all.. Can't stand this much longer.. sometimes it just hurts so much, not to be able to hold the one you love so much..that's all for now, i think.. forever in love..

Valentine's daY!

Monday all over again after a long hols, and today's valentine!! So much love in da air.. Though this year's celebrating can be felt very much less celebrated compared to the previous years.. Nothing much to post, just wanna wish everyone,

A HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!

P.S - I did manage to get something small for sylvan, though nothing big, but hope she doesn't mind.. *Happy Valentine's Day*

Chinese New year past!!

Wooo Hoo!! I had a nice time back in my hometown Ipoh.. I havent posted in my blog for a few days already.. We ate, slept, played mahjong, slept, eat and shop! quite fun.. then saw countless DVDs while battling the hot hot hot sun!! yeah.. HOT HOT HOT weather!!!

MAHJONG!! gamble!! hahaha... though our family playes more for the fun than the money (means the bet is very small) , I played till the very end every single day!! haha.. lost more than I won, thankfully the bet is small.. once a year mahjong game!!

Newayz, we seem to favour this show by richard gere and Jennifer lopez; Shall we dance? Its a nize show.. and so I've uploaded one of the songs from that show.. *I've just encountered some S.t.u.p.i.d. problem with that particular song.. it will not be uploaded till i get that fixed.. Nothin much other than that, valentine day's comin up.. Sylvan just called; wishing me a Happy CNY.. ^_^ feel so happy... =p

Chinese new year, once again!!

one year has passed and its chinese new year again!! Didn't do much shopping or anything, but i'm looking forward to mahjong!! =p I've also got my music working on mozilla firefox!!! Dem happy man.. if any of you guys from the support forum is reading this, THANKS BIG TIME!!!!!!

Valentine's also coming up.. I wanna get something for sylvan.. hope she doesn't mind.. I mean, we're just frenz.. its just one week away.. Going very uneasy keeping feelings inside..
Other than that, nothing much to post right now, just wanna wish everyone

A PROSPEROUS & HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!

P.S- its not like me to fade easily.. I don't know why I was distracted.. I felt uneasy.. I shouldn't be feeling this way..
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The days never wait,
exist in nothing but memories,
I stood by you once,
held up my hand, a smile lit,
I asked your hand in a dance.

Serenity glided through me,
you accepted with a smile,
I felt my heart beat louder than ever,
so close till I could feel your soul,
I could never forget the moment.

Your hands were cold that day,
be in elegantly black, with a red touch,
Never before have I seen you so beautiful,
inches between us, the unforgettable dance,
Sylvan..

Suddenly confused.. lost..

Whew.. its hoLs alreadi!! Nex Monday is a hol as well, though we 'supposingly' have to replace on sat.. I doubt many will come, or whether the teachers will teach at aLL... got some really annoying, time-consuming, homework such as the physics and chemistry experiment writeout..

Besides that, there's reli nothing much.. Ehzz.. I reli duno why.. I just felt so lost suddenly.. I mean.. I stared at you as you walked pass.. We have almost absolutely nothing in common.. Probably forgot each other till we were in form 4.. I don't think its something much.. reli.. Yet.. something is bothering me.. something..
lost and confused, for once.. you here doesnt refer to sylvan..

I want to know real badly but I can never bring myself to ask..

Woo Hoo.. Had a relaxing days in ages!! No add maths = no homework.. Only had IT and physics today.. WoNg C.K left 30 minutes earlier, and we had a great time in class.. daMn cooL!! we shuD do this more often.. Wahaha.. However, I just came back from Bm tuition.. got karangan and rumusan hw!! ahh... and i just finish my 8 page long karangan for junaidah..

I met sylvanas a few times today, which really lifted my spirits.. Usually I don't even get a glimpse of her.. and she cud stay back today summore.. Had really brief conversations with her, not much, but definately meant a lot to me , since I really really really don't seem to talk to her anymore.. I really wanna know, but I can never bring myself to ask her.. Thats all I'm asking.. to know...