A smile from the heart..

Eish.. seems like my MMS emailing didn't work.. I typed out a post and tried sending to my blog thru email but guess it didn't work.. aikz.. anyway, besides being filled with damn a lot of homework, im also feeling terrible ( again).. cuz I'm tired, I wanna rest, i wanna sleep, but can't.. got work there, got work here.. even if there's no work, I gotta study.. SPM is coming.. god.. I hope i finish SPM still mentally sane..

SPM timetable came today.. damn terrible layout of time.. cram everythin in one week.. and another way to remind us unfortunately that SPM is so god damn close.. reli ahh.. what do people get torturing students like this.. geram geram betul..

Ever wonder why sometimes you're in love with a certain person.. mayb you never found a reason, yet you love ssomeone so much.. Love is unconditional, and if there are reasons for them, the feelings aren't real.. But, there are some things that sometimes strike you in awe.. and can't help but smiling silently.. One of these things are simply a smile.. When everything around you seem crashing.. that smile can really lift the sky back to where it belongs..

This smile, is rare and precious.. even from someone who didn't accept you.. as long as you know how to treasure this, and not take it for granted, it is beyond value.. simply a smile from the heart..

On the other hand.. do you love someone when you want to be with them? but why does it happen when I know that it will never happen and besides, in some way I myself don't want it to happen.. Dun understand? thats all right.. I don't either.. ^_^.. Its just.. just when you think you love someone, but then you know that someone will always be beyond reach, that someone will never accept you, that someone is a stranger to you, and you know nothing about that someone, why do you love.. her?

A refreshed love.. but a dying hope and faith.. Ruby's birthday is coming soon.. I haven't gotten anything.. and.. when I lean back, close my eyes and breath in deeply, I think of her.. no longer of her being with me, no longer a tiny hope that I could hold her hand, but rather her, alone, smiling, laughing, with her friends, classmates, with so many people, having fun.. But among them is not me, as a friend or otherwise, not anymore..

So, I have most likely decided not to interupt that.. I watch as our lives pass by, seperately, for now, forever, in school, in college, in life.. I don't think that I should appear again, in her eyes..
But~! I'll still get her a present though.. hehe.. damn, gtg!!

logging off,
lawy3rz

Yaksuku..

Aiyaa...so fast ler, the precious Saturday seems to passed.. time seems to be going faster and faster..Nothing much really to post today, considering at the rate i'm posting, I'm rather running out of things to post..

Well great opportunity to crap out.. Damn la.. I just got bitten by mosquitoes twice while typing this much.. yaksuku.. Don't make promises that you can't fulfill..I always believed it's just as bad as lying, deceit.. Empty promises are empty words, meaningless.. Why am I talking bout this? well i don't feel like elaborating this, so I won't..

I don't know bout you all, but i'm having problems with my music player here on this blog.. the thing wouldn't run!! ahh.. i've been searching for solutions, but what's most annoying is that I didn't do anything.. it just died by itself..

AnYway, I'm gettin a little too foul-mouthed lately.. haha... SorRi ler.. I'll try to change that bit aSaP.. lately too used to it adi.. not Gud lehh~..

Well anyway, it is getting a little late, and before my dad come banging on the door, I better stop here for today.. Logging off,

Lawy3rz

To love again?

Ey, I haven't blogged for a little bit of time now, so I guess it's time i updated my blog.. lets see whats been happening around me.. lets see.. nothing spectacular i guess.. add maths homework... BM homework.. stuff like that.. more exam marks.. I feel so damn intimidated by all those seriously smart students who always gets 90 over everytime.. dammit ler.. feel so small compared to them..

Anyway, there's also been some slight time table change in a few classes, and some Miss Jaya Kaya Gaya whatever her name is took over our english lesson.. I honestly swear that i'll appreciate Shanta from now on.. This Gaya teacher damn bloody boring.. I've never met a worse robotic teacher which has absolutely zero sense of humour in her.. ugh, i dun even want to blog more about her..

Lets see.. ponteng moral and add maths today.. almost fell asleep during english.. more or less boring life.. on the more interesting note, we might actualli have started something for the class movie today.. please, please.. dun ask me how its going because I don't know what kind of answer to give you.. To start it first, I am NOT in charge, but just helping out.. secondly, its going to be a no-theme neutral movie with a few teasing features that chew doesn't understand because if he does, it'll be rejected. fullstop.

About love.. Honestly ler, to everyone who tells me that I'm a lovesick freak.. you're absolutely right. Except that I'm not overdoing it.. and I don't expect to be loved in return... =) its just that, having the feeling alone is the best time of my life.. after 4 months since my last rejection.. mayb its time I start to hope and feel again.. something like a new dawn lah.. hahaha..

I can feel myself letting go, I don't feel so cramped inside out anymore.. I feel much better than I was weeks ago.. at the moment ler.. because I believe, I believe if that if I learn to accept the feeling as it is, by just accepting it, the joys of life will always be there.. and I will learn to accept that, from now on.. =)

Any new news? haha.. nothing I guess.. just a feelings' change.. even if there was.. that someone in mind, it's absurdly impossible now, or ever... hahaha..

Lawy3rz,
logging off

-Love brings hope to everything..

Weaker than I thought.. in many ways..

Haii.. I gotta admit.. I'm weaker in many ways and more than I've ever thought.. Alright alright.. this has something to do with another anime.. somehow these animes reli make a mark within me.. I wouldn't know how to explain this, but the reason why I'm addicted to anime, is not Only because they are interesting but also rather cuz each of them has a lesson of life within them.. or at least, this is how I feel..

and yes, the onli task left in my D/L list is Mai Hime, which I'm finishing tmr.. I just feel that the sooner I finish this, the better.. I need to seriously start studying.. my results were like shit..(again).. .... *curse...*

Oh yea.. back to the weak thing.. well, when I think of it, I'm weak in most, if not everything.. My studies suck, my sports are even worse, my emotional levels are damn low and shaky recently, my willpower/self-dicipline to do something is non-existant, my physical fitness is ridiculously out of shape, my cooking skills are one of the worst seen in mankind.. so, I was thinking.. shit, wat the hell do I have? nothing actualli.. well I can't think of one..

I've never given thought to what I want to do later in life.. its a cloudy thunderstormy place in my mind which I don't really want to visit at the moment.. but I don't mind picking up a few cooking skills.. everyone's been saying how it'll come in useful during college days..

Its kinda late, and I rather be lying on my comfy bed thinking bout all this, but my mom had something for me to do, and now she's bathing.. so... I think that's all for today..

Lawy3rz
signing off.

Be who you want to be, and not who people expect you to be..

Never EVER going to a goverment department again..

GOD!! I spent my entire day sitting and waiting in a goverment department to make my Mykad.. the entire process took less than 3 minutes and I had to wait 4 hours for 250 numbers to pass by.. So damn boring there.. luckily I prepared my mp3 which unfortunately died out after 1 and a half hours cuz I didn't charge the batteries.. after that it got so boring.. NEVER AGAIN!! ahh..

Well I came back and did piano homework and two more Moral KK, that leaves one last one.. shouldn't take too long.. actually I stopped cuz I ran out of ideas, but thanks to Kris, I had one or two reasonably good ideas.. Thanks yar!!

Hehe.. Ah my goddess came out today as well as Bleach!! hehehe.. so nize, both of them, now waiting for one more anime, He is my master.. =p all these anime's are highly recommended!! =p Sadly, other animes like love hina and school rumble which i'm downloading, or rather which I've been downloading for the past one week has been DAMN slow.. shesssh..

I just rewatched a few episodes of DNAngel (not D.N.A, they are two different animes), and I must say, its still a very nice anime.. though not all will agree, I'd say its nize.. =p

ahh my dad just banged on my door, its his cue of saying, "GET TO BED!!".. haha.. I guess I'll just finish up this post and get to bed soon.. I am slightly tired.. a bit sleepy..

Signing off,
Lawy3rz
-Rollercoaster of my emotions-

Blogging again..

YawN.. wat a (boring) day.. Woke up, tutor my bro maths, had lunch, play a bit, went to tuition, came back and played a bit more, then did moral KK, almost done now, then play a bit more, online a little, and now, blogging.. There, summarize my last 12 hours in 1 line..

Im not quite to sure what to blog about today.. Not like there is anything happening anyway.. Oh yeah, hey, I was quite thinking how long the video of each person to be, i was thinking 7 seconds.. Well, post ur opinion on the tag board.. This is for our class movie uno.. I've been preparing a little tinnie little bit for it.. GoD i never knew how damn troublesome this movie could get..

I'm still woozy.. Dammit, with an extra headache, I feel worse than ever, but surprisingly I felt a little better after tuition.. I still havent' decided if I should take this blog off the address for a while.. i guess it'll remain until I decide..

Btw, whyy la... all my anime's I've been waiting haven't been coming out!! Its adi wednesday.. dammit, I'm waiting for so many anime's summore.. Yep I've been addicted all over again.. I stopped being an anime fan for so long, and now, its all started back again.. and seriously, that green green anime left a seriously deep impact on me.. I duN know how to explain why or how, but it just did.. I just felt.. hit.. like a cannonball to my gut..

Oh well, guess most of you are bored of me rambling how fcuked up I feel at the moment, guess I won't give the same preach.. I, feel that I'm just like any other guy, facing fcuking exams, failing love life, arguments with friends, misunderstanding with family.. To come to think of it, I'm starting to understand why the hell I'm feeling so goddamn terrible.. Guess the love thing was simply the last straw.. It just blew, and everything juct came crashing down on me.. everything huh? ...

well, till later,
Lawy3rz
signing off.

another days ramblings..

Blogging again today.. I actually finished all 8 of my moral essay, i dun believe I could actually write so much crap in my life.. Whew, next is the kerja kursus, i wanna finish tmr.. oh yeah.. damn.. tmr got tuition.. slightly dreading.. fcuk man.. I really got to start studying for my SPM.. Crap.. I've just got no will to study seriously hour after hour straight.. I reli wan to study..

U know, I've been thinking, I reli wan to take this blog off the net maybe for a few week or so.. why? I duno, its just that I've been feeling no better than shit lately, and I reli want some space to blog out my crap.. and those crap is Serious crap.. not the kind I want everyone I know to be reading it off the internet..

Finished Dan Brown's Deception point today.. whew.. took 2 days.. nize.. cuz of that, I quite neglected some work I need finished.. crap la, why muz hols be so short.. I'd preferred more longer holidays throughout the year than one long bunch of hols at the end of the year..

Eh, I apologize for the profanity.. Been much too influenced lately, and also of the mid year, im sure.. =p.. oh fcuk.. I dun even want to think of mid year... shit...

I'll be frank. I feel like shit. No better. Why? I don't know. Just feel the way I feel. I can't concentrate on anything I do these days. I can't sleep peacefully at night, i'd stay awake for hours staring at my ceiling.. When I close my eyes, I see an empty space in myself.. empty.. Emotional turmoil. Thats the closest I can pin to a word..Seriously bad emotional turmoil. There are times, I forget myself.. who the fcuk am I.. why on this piece of rock called earth.. I'm so doubtful of everything.. myself and the things around me.. I hoped I haven't lost my friends the way I lost myself.. Boon shern's really really pissed at me.. and he probably has the entire group with him..

That's enuf for today.. Honestly, my ramblings here today made me feel a little better, even if its just a bit.. I once chose to be alone, depend on no one, rely on no one.. I dropped that principle within me when.. when I really like Sylvan.. I should take it back up.. I just should..


-Lawy3rz
signing off.

Suffocating..

Finished green green in less than a day.. :P its my first time watching it, and its really not as bad as people talk about it.. Yeah I know I havent been posting.. Actualli I posted another post before this and somehow blogger screwed up that post and it came out blank.. I couldn't retrieve it either.. So, forget bout it.

Green green.. Nize anime, but damn sad ending ler.. makes you wanna cry liddat..The reason I'm posting cuz I feel a little disturbed by the sad ending.. Its like, you dun feel right.. I'm quite out of anime to see, while waiting for the newer ones to be released, like Bleach, Ah my goddess, and He is my master.. My new hardisk is a beauty.. Plenty of disk space for my animes and games.. Woo hoo.. hehehe..

In any case, Beta movie is fcuked up.. Hell, I have no idea what the hell is going on anymore.. But one things for sure.. Everyone who is doing the movie, is damn hell rushing now..

Suffocating.. I got this word very much from Green Green.. and I felt its very true.. Keep your feelings to yourself, and you're just suffocating yourself.. Let it go, open up.. I've come to realize this.. Sadly, I got no feelings to open up.. well at least anymore.. I gotta go do my Moral crap now, signing off..

Lawy3rz-